So, no, really – that’s the title of this post. Because here’s the thing. I was sitting, wait no I was standing in the shower the other night and I saw, on the shower wall, A SPIDER.
It was terrifying. At least ten inches wide not counting the legs, with red eyes and dripping fangs and…
All right, fine. It was smaller than my pinky fingernail. I have issues with things that have more than 4 legs, okay? I definitely have a 4 leg hard limit. And NO, you cannot pull 4 legs off a spider and expect me to be okay with it. It doesn’t work that way.
Here I am in the shower, faced with a spider, and I really dislike killing things in general but this one was WAY too close to my personal parts and it had to go. So I bravely picked up the shampoo bottle and clubbed it to death.
Which left me with a shampoo bottle with spider guts on it. Ergh.
Ok, so now I’m standing in the shower with a shampoo bottle covered in spider and NOWHERE TO PUT THE SPIDER GUTS.
What do I do with them? I’m certainly not going to touch them. I can’t grab toilet paper because it’ll get wet in ALL THIS WATER. And it might clog the DRAIN.
(See where I’m going with this?)
I’m pretty sure I stood there with that bottle going ‘ew, ew, ew’ for at least two minutes before it occurred to me to, oh, I dunno, just wash the spider down the DRAIN with ALL THIS WATER.
That got me thinking about all the ‘oh, DUH’ moment’s I’ve had in my life, or just other plain ‘duh’ moments I’ve witnessed happening to other people. But of course, I’ll talk about my own first.
There was the time I went to the barn, grabbed babyhorse’s halter off her stall, slung it over my shoulder, and went to get her brushes. Then I went to go get her and spent five minutes wandering around looking for her halter.
Mmm-hmm. I even asked a few people if they’d seen it, because I ALWAYS hang it on her stall at night.
*pinches bridge of nose* They all laughed at me.
Then there was the time when I was MUCH younger (Not THAT much. At least in my teens, so I can’t even claim extreme youth for this one) when my mom and I went to the library. It had two sets of double doors to get in, and I thought I’d be a smartass. I ran to the first set of doors, zipped inside, and pushed against the one I’d walked through so she couldn’t enter.
She gave me a funny look and just walked in through the other side.
Sad thing was, I didn’t catch on. I ran through the second set of double doors and pushed on the one I’d gone through.
My mom made that weird face and walked through the other one. And past me. And THEN it hit me. Priceless. She just patted me on the head and told me she was so proud of how smart I am. And no, she hasn’t stopped making fun of me about it.
So those three, right off the top of my head. I suppose the next one isn’t a ‘duh’ moment so much as a pretty typical Arin-ism. The roommate (the Great Navy Blue Monster) and I were heading to Austin for a concert. I was driving. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something scuttle up onto the center console between the seats. I glanced at it, and my spider alert went off. OMG, death, death, warning! Kill, kill! destroy!
But I don’t touch spiders. So, without thinking, I picked up my roommate’s hand and used THAT to hit the spider with (this all happened fast enough so he was caught off guard and didn’t resist).
So yeah that was me doing 85 mph down I-35 while using my roommate’s hand to commit spidercide. Not my best moment. But no one got hurt.
Seriously, no one got hurt. After all that, I missed the spider.
Roommate teased me for months. I got payback though when, on another trip down to Austin, he was driving his new car and stopped to get fuel. He pulled up with the driver’s side at the pump, where his fuel tank had been in his old car (the new one was on the passenger side), and got out. I waited and didn’t say anything until he realized what he’d done. We laughed, he got into the car and pulled around to the next pump.
And stopped with the driver’s side at the pump.
I might stop making fun of him for that this century. Not sure. Check back in 75 years or so.
Anyhow, I know for a fact there will be more Stupid Stuff to write about, but as I’ve been editing for several hours I thought it might just be fun to write about something goofy and mildly amusing. We all have our moments, yeah? You are more than welcome to laugh at mine. I still do. 😉